Coupon Madness

On a recent Saturday night, I remember thinking to myself, an early night to bed would leave me fresh and ready to take on the world come Sunday. Basically I was getting on my game face for the Sunday paper. That’s right, I said the Sunday paper. As the years go on the competitive juices remain, but the categories in which you compete in change.

First there was little league, and that was followed by your selection into college, and maybe a girl friend or two along the way. After college you are competing for a new job, and a chance to prove yourself in the business world. From there maybe a softball or golf league, but soon your knees tell you otherwise and you move onto the fantasy sports leagues of baseball and football. If that doesn’t interest you, you are left with coupons. That’s right those silly annoying little inserts in the paper that used to be the first thing you would toss to the side are now your Sunday game of the week. Don’t mess with me on Sunday morning when I’m snipping.

My goal is to look at the grocery bill and make sure it’s 50% less that what it would have been if any grocery hack went in and bought food for the week. And to reach that goal I am going to peck away at it $1.00 at a time. Like any sport there is preparation. First you need to be game ready, and stretching exercises are a must. I mean there is nothing worst than a thumb cramp from your scissors. And ink marks from the pen are bound to happen. You must get through these roadblocks and tough it out.

Next up is a chance to scout the competition. In my house we have advanced scouting as a local grocery story in the next town now sends me their circular on Friday. This week it included double dollar off coupons, valued at up to $3.00. Yes, that’s correct Christmas came early in the Beland household. Just writing this, my juices are flowing. It’s Sunday night and they should be afraid, very afraid when I walk through the door.

Of course, the rest of my family, as they should, ignores me in my sport. On occasion I leave the list of what to get from said grocery store, and without exception there is always a mistake. I have two schools of thought on this. One is that my handwriting and directions are so terrible, mistakes are bound to happen. Or two, my wife knows that with even just a hint of trouble, I end up doing it myself. OK, so maybe I’m a bit possessive with the groceries, but my 50% is on the line. I think she is maybe a 30% saver at best. I mean buying coffee creamer without a coupon. That’s just hurtful to even think about. And mashed potatoes in a container…I need a moment to regroup.

With the holidays around the corner, I am in the best shape of my career. I have multiple email sites helping me out, sharp scissors, and most importantly, not a new hobby in site. My coupon caddy (that’s the thingy that holds my coupons together) is full, up to date, and ready for action. I am thinking about putting on some of that jet black stuff under the eyes next week. A bit much you think. Nah, and I got a coupon for it too.