The Other Colors of Autumn!

As temperatures drop and days shorten, the next natural occurrence of nature is to have leaves fall from their trees. Of course before then, we are invited to watch a truly awesome visual display of colors. I offer up that poetic introduction as I recently did another time honored tradition, that of chopping wood. Actually I was splitting big sticks to start a fire, but the thought was there. As I was doing this manly chore I got a splinter and as most manly men will do, I attempted to remove the splinter by biting on my finger, hoping the pressure would push the mini tree back to the outside of my skin, and all will be right with the world. After several attempts of biting my finger, complete with walking in circles while attempting this medical treatment, I realized that all was lost and I was going to need medicine. And for those of you who are saying, just get a needle and stab is out, you have sadly mistaking me for that other type of manly man, the one that endures pain. In the medicine cabinet there used to be three colors of medicine. Black, Pink and Red. All I could find was a bandage with antibiotic on it. Perfectly fine, but not what I needed for this medical emergency. This job called for something slimy, heavy duty and painless. This was a job for Ichthyol. For those of you may not be familiar with this salve, it comes in a small tube and has the consistency of used oil sludge. Its job was to make the particle loosen up and slide out. It also smelled like used oil sludge. In either case, we did not have any, and probably have not had a need for it in 30 years. In we have no black, we’ll move onto the red. This will help sterilize the area while I figure out what to do next. The red in question is Mercurochrome. A red substance that would help with the bacteria and this too had no pain attached to it. Upon further review, we also had no Mercurochrome. It appears it was taken off the shelves like 25 years ago due to concerns about Mercury poisoning. A bit over the top for me, but whatever… The third color in the arsenal of preventative medicine was pink, and we all know what that is; Calamine lotion. For any person on the losing end of a poison ivy attack or sunburn, your mom would lather you in pink. Here is the kicker. In 2002, the FDA issued a report saying that they cannot find any reason to list Calamine lotion as an effective remedy for skin issues of any kind. Thousands of kids…and adults…every year looking like cotton candy. Not sure how this was allowed to happen, but the Calamine lotion sales guy is feeling pretty good about things. So, here I stand, still walking in circles, biting my finger and hoping the mini tree lodged in my skin pops out. I have no red, no black and no pink. Just something called Neosporin. Sure it works, but it’s clear, and boring…What’s the fun in that.