To Brine or not to Brine...

For Jean my mother in law. We miss you.
Originally posted, November 2009.

My wife and I are a great combination when it comes to holiday festivities. I do the cooking and she does the baking. I could care less about what to get little Suzy for Christmas, instead saving myself for the tough decisions like scalloped or double stuffed potatoes. Oh sure, there are times when mistakes are made, like the cranberry chutney incident of 2004, but we learn and move on.

Thanksgiving, the unofficial start of the festive season used to be the spring training for holiday cooking. Go with the staples and then throw in a test recipe or two. If it stinks, put gravy on it. No one will know the difference. But alas, even the best of plans come to an end as we lost the rights to Thanksgiving dinner. It’s a secondary tradition in this country to claim your holiday. Some are considered away games and some are home games. With the addition of a child, we traded Thanksgiving for Christmas Eve and a minor holiday to be named later. Something like Arbor day or Earth day. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Dinner, then dessert, then wait for Santa. Here’s the problem, Thanksgiving is now at my in-laws. Wonderful people, kind people, good hearted and all the other niceties one can toss in for good measure. It’s just that Mom in law (we’ll call her M2) can’t cook to save her life. Their spice rack consists of salt, pepper and onion powder, and they might make it on to the turkey…IF THE TURKEY WALKED INTO IT AND SPICED HIMSELF UP.

I know you are saying I am being mean and selfish. All very good points, and all coming from people who never had a Thanksgiving dinner from M2. In an effort of good cheer and to show that I’m the awesome son in law they think I am, I offered for the past couple of years to make the turkey here, and bring it to them for our holiday feast. I’ll even throw in some sausage and cranberry stuffing. I know, what a guy.

All was well the first year, although the asked for all the bones to make soup. Those were technically my bones, but in the tradition of giving… Last year while everyone was enjoying a truly tender and delicious turkey, someone asked how it got so juicy. I remarked that I brined the bird (salt, juice sugar and lots of other stuff), to which I heard “hm, that may be why I thought it was a little salty.” No, the ocean is a little salty, the turkey was awesome. Then on to the stuffing. Wonderfully tender, yet with a touch of spice. I was told it had too much kick to it. Once again, a donkey has too much kick, my stuffing was double thumbs up.

So now I am starting my holiday season in doubt. Do I brine, or not brine. Maybe a bread stuffing is better this year. How about just some corn bread. This is stressful stuff. And of course a bad Thanksgiving dinner will stay with you (not like how my mother in laws dinner would stay with you, but you get the point) right through Christmas and beyond. Maybe we should just eat out. Yeah, that’s it. Eat out. Besides it will give us more time to look for Suzy’s gift. At least I think her name is Suzy.

Coupon Madness

On a recent Saturday night, I remember thinking to myself, an early night to bed would leave me fresh and ready to take on the world come Sunday. Basically I was getting on my game face for the Sunday paper. That’s right, I said the Sunday paper. As the years go on the competitive juices remain, but the categories in which you compete in change.

First there was little league, and that was followed by your selection into college, and maybe a girl friend or two along the way. After college you are competing for a new job, and a chance to prove yourself in the business world. From there maybe a softball or golf league, but soon your knees tell you otherwise and you move onto the fantasy sports leagues of baseball and football. If that doesn’t interest you, you are left with coupons. That’s right those silly annoying little inserts in the paper that used to be the first thing you would toss to the side are now your Sunday game of the week. Don’t mess with me on Sunday morning when I’m snipping.

My goal is to look at the grocery bill and make sure it’s 50% less that what it would have been if any grocery hack went in and bought food for the week. And to reach that goal I am going to peck away at it $1.00 at a time. Like any sport there is preparation. First you need to be game ready, and stretching exercises are a must. I mean there is nothing worst than a thumb cramp from your scissors. And ink marks from the pen are bound to happen. You must get through these roadblocks and tough it out.

Next up is a chance to scout the competition. In my house we have advanced scouting as a local grocery story in the next town now sends me their circular on Friday. This week it included double dollar off coupons, valued at up to $3.00. Yes, that’s correct Christmas came early in the Beland household. Just writing this, my juices are flowing. It’s Sunday night and they should be afraid, very afraid when I walk through the door.

Of course, the rest of my family, as they should, ignores me in my sport. On occasion I leave the list of what to get from said grocery store, and without exception there is always a mistake. I have two schools of thought on this. One is that my handwriting and directions are so terrible, mistakes are bound to happen. Or two, my wife knows that with even just a hint of trouble, I end up doing it myself. OK, so maybe I’m a bit possessive with the groceries, but my 50% is on the line. I think she is maybe a 30% saver at best. I mean buying coffee creamer without a coupon. That’s just hurtful to even think about. And mashed potatoes in a container…I need a moment to regroup.

With the holidays around the corner, I am in the best shape of my career. I have multiple email sites helping me out, sharp scissors, and most importantly, not a new hobby in site. My coupon caddy (that’s the thingy that holds my coupons together) is full, up to date, and ready for action. I am thinking about putting on some of that jet black stuff under the eyes next week. A bit much you think. Nah, and I got a coupon for it too.